I just found out that my grandma has cancer.

I don’t even know much about cancer and its different types, all I know is that I don’t want to lose her. She is very important to me. I wasn’t prepared for this..

It’s horrible when you allow something very important to you to slip from your hands so easily. Sometimes we are so stupid that we let it happen, only to grief when it is gone.

Keep them close to you, those who are important to you, and never let them go.

Because I’m disgusting. I am not worthy of the life he gave me, the clothes I wear, the food I eat, the friends I have.. yet he still loves me no matter the things I do and he sent his son to be a sacrifice for my place in eternal peace.  

Random things that get me upset.

Those pictures on Facebook where a guy sends multiple messages trying to talk to a girl and then she takes a screenshot of it and makes a joke out of it.

    Seriously? Why didn’t you just tell him you weren’t interested? Do you feel so cool by doing that? Sometimes it even looks like the guy is a nice guy and just wants to get to know the girl. I feel bad for the guys who have been a victim to this. 

When a teacher gets mad at you for something as small as getting up to throw something out. 

     Oh I’m sorry that I wanted to throw my litter away. I just thought it was a little aggravating that kids carelessly throw their trash on the floor and I didn’t want to add on to that problem. 

Those guys who sweet talk the good girls just to use them and throw them away like trash.

Why is it so hard for them to find a girl that could careless about herself? They make it so hard for the guys who actually want a girl for the good reasons. This is why most girls think there are no more good guys out there. 

When a teacher gets sarcastic and disrespectful with their students.

     These are the same teachers who wonder why teenagers are so disrespectful, and the same ones who get mad at every little thing. If you can show us respect and have tolerance for some of the stupid things we do, we would show that same respect right back. We are humans just like you, we aren’t perfect. Sometimes teachers say that their students need to grow up but sometimes I think it’s the other way around. 

When all your relatives expect you to get amazing grades.

     I understand that maybe you’ve been there before and you want me to do better than you did, or the best I can do, but lets go back to the first part of this sentence. You’ve been there before. You know how stressful all the work is so don’t expect me to get amazing grades. I’m trying hard, but schoolwork isn’t my main priority. Not everyone needs amazing grades to be what they want to be when they get older.

People who feel like they can cut on anyone they want just because they get a lot of attention. 

     What makes you think you’re better than anyone else? Maybe that person has a problem with making friends or maybe they’re too depressed to make friends. You don’t know what that person goes through everyday and you’re probably making everything worse. 

Having to text someone first all the time.

     It isn’t fair that some girls expect the guy to text first 100% of the time. It makes me feel like I’m bothering the girl or that she doesn’t want to talk to me. Then they wonder why the conversations stop after a while. It doesn’t hurt to text the guy first every once in a while. Personally it makes me feel happy when a girl texts me first, it lets me know that they we’re thinking about me or that they cared about me enough to wonder what was up with me at the moment. 

Oh yeah, some of these may seem like they only go for one gender but they go for both.      

I really trying to be happy. Every time I make progress, something happens to bring me back down. But I have a feeling that things are going to be different from now on. People go through problems to learn lessons, and I’ve learned enough. I’m ready to be happy now.

Journal Entry #15

Sunday, April 22 - 2012

Love is definitely like a drug. When you take a certain drug, you get a feeling that you’ve never had before. You don’t want it to go away. But once it goes away you feel like crap because you’ve reached a new high that you don’t have anymore. This is the same with people falling in love. When you fall in love with someone, you get this happiness that you’ve never had before and when the relationship ends you feel horrible. 

     This is why I don’t want to fall in love anymore. I’m tired of becoming more happy just to be less happy than I was before. I want it all to just stop. I know that God’s love is enough for me but sometimes I don’t feel that. I guess this is what the world does to people. I know that I really want love. The thing is, I know what will happen before it even happens. I know that if I fall in love with someone, eventually something will happen and ruin it because that is what always happens. Also, when I fall in love with someone I usually get distracted from God’s love. I’m trying to stay alone. I wish I could be happy with myself but I just can’t. I hate being this way, knowing that God’s love is enough but running from it from time to time. I need to change my ways. 

Anybody can post about how they “don’t care” or they’re “over it” but deep down inside they know their true feelings and a post can’t change that.

Journal Entry #14

Sunday, April 15 - 2012

     I don’t know whether to be surprised or not. I remember when I put a Journal Entry talking about how I didn’t know what to do because I thought my girlfriend (or now ex) was an Atheist. Then she put as her religious views that she was a Christian so I thought she was so I deleted the post and I just went with it. Well now I found out that she is an atheist. At least she told me now instead of way later but I feel like she should of told me before we even went out. I actually told her how I became a Christian and I gave her a chance to try and change, for the sake of the relationship, but she didn’t take it. I kinda feel like I wasn’t even that important to her. Like she was okay with letting me go that easily. I don’t know what to do now, I feel so weird.

     I’m not even thinking about suicide because I had the time of my life worshipping yesterday and I feel like my life is really worth living now. I have hope.    I’m just going to try my best to move on, I don’t know what God has planned for me but I’m excited. To all my followers, please pray for me that I will have peace today after what happened because I feel really uneasy and confused. 

I hate how some people view music these days.

Whenever I ask someone why they like an artist, most of the time it’s because they find the artist is attractive. Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t know you could hear their attractiveness. 

I can’t wait for the day I can call you my wife.
Please don’t give up on me , because that’d be the day I’d give up on my life.

Life is a monster.

It will take you so high, only to drop you back down. We go through things that will tear us apart. Some of us have yet to experience them, and some of us are already going through them. These battles and problems are worth it though. At the end of every tunnel is a light. You need that one thing called hope to get there because if you don’t have it, you won’t make it to the end. But trust me, getting to the end it definitely worth it. I get my hope from above, how about you?

Journal Entry #13

Monday, February 6 - 2012

      I always hear stories about how people are about to jump to their death or overdose on something and some miracle happens and it changes their life dramatically. When I was depressed and I wanted to commit suicide, I would always think about what would happen if I went to jump, if someone would be there to save me. If an angel caught me. If a huge wind blew me back. Even now sometimes I still think about it.

        No, I’m not saying that I’m going to do it. I just think about these things sometimes. 

I’ve never really had a life experience like that. I’m not sure if mine already happened or if I’m still waiting for it. I still have a little bit of sadness creeping inside of me so I don’t know if my transformation is even over yet. I really don’t know of what is coming for me in the future but I can feel it inside. I know that something is going to happen soon, I hope it’s something life changing. 

Tumblr is becoming to famous now.

This needs to stop. Every 1 out of 4 posts on my FB newsfeed is about Tumblr. I remember when I was able to wear my Tumblr pin proudly and nobody knew what it was. Now when I walk around school everyone asks me what my blog url is and they all ask for me to follow them and stuff. I’m never giving them my url. This is the only place I vent. Tumblr is the only way I let out my emotions, it’s like my own therapy. If anyone in my school saw my posts, they would act like they know me when honestly they don’t understand a thing about what I post. I’m getting scared now, I think a couple of people in my school already have my blog name and I really hope my blog doesn’t spread to the rest of my school or anyone I know with the exception of a couple of people.